I have to say that I am dismayed at being totally gray before my fiftieth birthday. By the way, if you want to show sympathy for me, it is okay to refer to my hair as "silver." I am REALLY UPSET at being both gray AND BALD before said birthday anniversary. You see, I made my mind up in high school that I would not do either of these things before I was seventy.
(Here is where my wife punches me and lets me know I was "balding" in high school. She is so kind, but most unsympathetic.)
But back to advantageous...
Looking like a somewhat thinner-than-standard Santa Claus has had its rewards. For instance, I have met at least one kid who believed I really WAS Santa. That was not really an advantage, but it was sort of cute. But to the advantage side, I can actually walk into a mall (particularly this time of year) and be hired as "Santa" in less than fifteen minutes (it takes about that long for the criminal background check to return). Should I ever opt to go that route during the holiday season, I just know I could get all the gifts on Child A and B's wish list, as well is that of my lovely spouse. I have also given a new meaning to the term "white Christmas," although every day with me is more or less white from the chin up.
Another advantage of looking like Ol' Saint Nick is the frequency with which I am offered "senior" discounts when I go out to dinner, particularly at the local CiCi's Pizza. The young ladies in particular are convinced that I have reached my golden years. By the way, why are those years called the golden years when most men are either gray, bald, or both? Anyway, not only do the young misses at the counter feel that I have surpassed my prime, they also frequently leave their duty posts to come over and assist me with the door or help me carry my tray to the table. So far I have saved over forty dollars in "Senior Discounts" and I am not even a member of AARP!
Oh, yes...there is one other reward that goes with being a Santa lookalike in the local mall. I have noticed that many older "children," that is women over forty (and a few younger) would love to sit in Santa's lap and tell him their Christmas lists, because this particular Santa vaguely reminds them of another oldster, Sean Connery. He is REALLY OLD, but from what I garner, he is still popular with many ladies. Hmmm...keep this one quiet. The spouse is nearby!
Yes, I have finally accepted (grudgingly) that I will go into my fifties resembling the Santa Claus who resembles Sean Connery. After all, with discounted pizza, young girls assisting me down the aisle, and older girls confusing me with one of my favorite movie stars, I really can't see the down side. Oh wait, I don't have my glasses.......
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