It was a damp morning that greeted me Saturday. My lovely bride was off early to her conference. I awoke when she did but then thought the better of it. I then did not get up until the cleaning woman knocked on the door sometime around 12 or so (more so than 12). So then I got up to greet the dawn, but was not able to do so since the dawn had moved out of downtown several hours before.
My first foray out of the hotel was to meet with my lovely bride for lunch at Five Guys. Five Guys was its usual good-self, but the crowd there was quite entertaining. I am sure my rather Texas-like garb did not attract much attention, either. But the really entertaining part was when a young mother was giving her boy-child messages with only the tightening of her lips, the raising of her eyebrows, and of course, her laser eyes when appropriate. It appeared that the young man was not interested in putting on his coat, but his mother was ready to leave Five Guys. But with appropriate facial expressions, either approving or fiercely disapproving as necessary, eyebrows raised or lowered is needed, and laser eyes applied when the child failed to receive the other signals, the mother finally got her child outfitted for the outdoors, and they were gone. Not a single word was spoken by the mother and child during this exchange
You might recall that during our short foray to Washington, D.C. I saw no movie stars, no car chases or shootings, and no REAL spies either. That was the same for Baltimore I am afraid, so, having no exciting (BUT TOTALLY TRUE) stories concerning espionage with which to regale the reader, I am forced to delve into more mundane subjects. I say mundane, but the information I am about to impart to you should be very helpful if you ever visit Baltimore your own-self. For instance, there is protocol involved in the proper use of the sidewalks through downtown. Yes, I am telling the truth. And, failure to follow such protocol could result in injury or embarrassment to those attempting to share the same sidewalk. For instance, people who are just strolling along the sidewalks, minding their own business (even if it is blatantly OBVIOUS that they are tourists from Texas), are expected to walk "to the right." Yes, the left center "lane" is reserved for those persons (usually NOT tourists from Texas) who have a definite purpose for walking down the sidewalk at a breakneck speed which is much faster than I can run (right up around 4 mph or so). These people say "excuse me" or "passing on the left" at which time, if you do not want to end up in a tangled mass of humanity on the sidewalk, the slower person would make sure to move to the right and stay there.
The far, far left side of the sidewalk is reserved for cyclists, skateboarders, and joggers who are moving at a clip that leaves little room for error or misunderstanding. I learned this little tip very quickly and do not mind sharing with you at all. In this case, my lovely bride and I were leisurely strolling along the sidewalk a couple of blocks from the hotel when a faint male voice that sounded like the speaker must have been at least fifty feet behind us said, "Riding by on the left." Just as I turned to the left to see who was speaking the bicyclist shot past like a tree-hugging bolt of lightning, nearly slamming into my left rib cage. I managed to just side-step to the right, heroically saving my lovely bride from the near miss with the two-wheeled maniac! As the young man rode away, I could swear I saw a look on his face that said he recognized us as world tourists and thus did not make any obscene gestures or excited utterances. Or maybe we could not hear him over the sirens of a passing fire truck. Anyway, once bitten, twice as shy, as they say.
This principle applies as well to escalators in both Baltimore and D.C. The law-abiding escalating pedestrian is expected to "keep right." That means single-file, by the way. A couple using the escalators together will quickly find themselves at odds with persons who are busy, late, jogging, fleeing police officers, or on the way to a clandestine meeting at the Washington Monument, if said couple fails to "keep right!" This protocol was easily learned within thirty seconds of stepping onto the "down" escalator at Union Station. I generally "escalate" on an escalator, meaning that I either (for my own safety due to the lack of a "grace" gene) stay on the stair that I originally landed on, or may step no more than two steps between the top and bottom of the escalator. In fact, if a person is using the escalator as "intended" the person must stay to the right, and you get about ONE chance to learn this. Failure to be a quick study in this area could easily result in multiple injuries as the escalator "pro" and the Texas tourist both go falling down, producing what I assume would be a similar aspect to the lowly snowball rolling downhill until it becomes an avalanche. Luckily, I was able to assimilate this protocol very quickly. No one was injured by my trips up and down the escalator.
After such a "hands on" education, I was tired, and my lovely bride was due back at her conference. So I went back to the hotel and did what many people would mistakenly construe as "nothing" until time to meet again for dinner. I in fact DID accomplish some things, but it is difficult to catalogue them here, so I will leave that part your own imaginations. Suffice it to say that I met my lovely bride after her conference was done for the day. We dined at the Kona Grill once again. The food there is terrific and the atmosphere is, uh, not Hawaiian, but still a great dining experience. Then back to the hotel. We did not hit the town as such, but we DID have two cups of the Marriott's most wonderful spiced apple cider. Then it was time to call it a night. I know it was because Sweetie yelled and threw a pillow at me sometime around 1AM as a gentle and loving hint that I might need to turn off the light...NOW!!
Sunday morning for me was a morning spent packing and arranging leave from our hotel, while my lovely bride attended the last sessions of her conference. All too soon we were in a cab headed back to Baltimore Thurgood Marshall International Airport. Here I would like to point out that taxis are VERY expensive forms of transportation, yet there are times when they are the best form of "no hassle" travel, and this was one of those times...never mind the extra dollars spent. Soon we were in the air. We had a short stop at Houston to change planes, then we were Midland bound. It was very nice to get home. No matter how comfortable a hotel is, it is always so much MORE comfortable to lay down in one's own bed.
But...now it is Monday morning, and I am off to Dallas for a conference of my own, sans my lovely bride. If you are going to Baltimore and DC, please keep my very helpful tips in mind. Oh, and if you see Mark Harmon, let him know I was upset about missing him the other day.
Thanks, and God bless Baltimore
And America
My first foray out of the hotel was to meet with my lovely bride for lunch at Five Guys. Five Guys was its usual good-self, but the crowd there was quite entertaining. I am sure my rather Texas-like garb did not attract much attention, either. But the really entertaining part was when a young mother was giving her boy-child messages with only the tightening of her lips, the raising of her eyebrows, and of course, her laser eyes when appropriate. It appeared that the young man was not interested in putting on his coat, but his mother was ready to leave Five Guys. But with appropriate facial expressions, either approving or fiercely disapproving as necessary, eyebrows raised or lowered is needed, and laser eyes applied when the child failed to receive the other signals, the mother finally got her child outfitted for the outdoors, and they were gone. Not a single word was spoken by the mother and child during this exchange
You might recall that during our short foray to Washington, D.C. I saw no movie stars, no car chases or shootings, and no REAL spies either. That was the same for Baltimore I am afraid, so, having no exciting (BUT TOTALLY TRUE) stories concerning espionage with which to regale the reader, I am forced to delve into more mundane subjects. I say mundane, but the information I am about to impart to you should be very helpful if you ever visit Baltimore your own-self. For instance, there is protocol involved in the proper use of the sidewalks through downtown. Yes, I am telling the truth. And, failure to follow such protocol could result in injury or embarrassment to those attempting to share the same sidewalk. For instance, people who are just strolling along the sidewalks, minding their own business (even if it is blatantly OBVIOUS that they are tourists from Texas), are expected to walk "to the right." Yes, the left center "lane" is reserved for those persons (usually NOT tourists from Texas) who have a definite purpose for walking down the sidewalk at a breakneck speed which is much faster than I can run (right up around 4 mph or so). These people say "excuse me" or "passing on the left" at which time, if you do not want to end up in a tangled mass of humanity on the sidewalk, the slower person would make sure to move to the right and stay there.
The far, far left side of the sidewalk is reserved for cyclists, skateboarders, and joggers who are moving at a clip that leaves little room for error or misunderstanding. I learned this little tip very quickly and do not mind sharing with you at all. In this case, my lovely bride and I were leisurely strolling along the sidewalk a couple of blocks from the hotel when a faint male voice that sounded like the speaker must have been at least fifty feet behind us said, "Riding by on the left." Just as I turned to the left to see who was speaking the bicyclist shot past like a tree-hugging bolt of lightning, nearly slamming into my left rib cage. I managed to just side-step to the right, heroically saving my lovely bride from the near miss with the two-wheeled maniac! As the young man rode away, I could swear I saw a look on his face that said he recognized us as world tourists and thus did not make any obscene gestures or excited utterances. Or maybe we could not hear him over the sirens of a passing fire truck. Anyway, once bitten, twice as shy, as they say.
This principle applies as well to escalators in both Baltimore and D.C. The law-abiding escalating pedestrian is expected to "keep right." That means single-file, by the way. A couple using the escalators together will quickly find themselves at odds with persons who are busy, late, jogging, fleeing police officers, or on the way to a clandestine meeting at the Washington Monument, if said couple fails to "keep right!" This protocol was easily learned within thirty seconds of stepping onto the "down" escalator at Union Station. I generally "escalate" on an escalator, meaning that I either (for my own safety due to the lack of a "grace" gene) stay on the stair that I originally landed on, or may step no more than two steps between the top and bottom of the escalator. In fact, if a person is using the escalator as "intended" the person must stay to the right, and you get about ONE chance to learn this. Failure to be a quick study in this area could easily result in multiple injuries as the escalator "pro" and the Texas tourist both go falling down, producing what I assume would be a similar aspect to the lowly snowball rolling downhill until it becomes an avalanche. Luckily, I was able to assimilate this protocol very quickly. No one was injured by my trips up and down the escalator.
After such a "hands on" education, I was tired, and my lovely bride was due back at her conference. So I went back to the hotel and did what many people would mistakenly construe as "nothing" until time to meet again for dinner. I in fact DID accomplish some things, but it is difficult to catalogue them here, so I will leave that part your own imaginations. Suffice it to say that I met my lovely bride after her conference was done for the day. We dined at the Kona Grill once again. The food there is terrific and the atmosphere is, uh, not Hawaiian, but still a great dining experience. Then back to the hotel. We did not hit the town as such, but we DID have two cups of the Marriott's most wonderful spiced apple cider. Then it was time to call it a night. I know it was because Sweetie yelled and threw a pillow at me sometime around 1AM as a gentle and loving hint that I might need to turn off the light...NOW!!
Sunday morning for me was a morning spent packing and arranging leave from our hotel, while my lovely bride attended the last sessions of her conference. All too soon we were in a cab headed back to Baltimore Thurgood Marshall International Airport. Here I would like to point out that taxis are VERY expensive forms of transportation, yet there are times when they are the best form of "no hassle" travel, and this was one of those times...never mind the extra dollars spent. Soon we were in the air. We had a short stop at Houston to change planes, then we were Midland bound. It was very nice to get home. No matter how comfortable a hotel is, it is always so much MORE comfortable to lay down in one's own bed.
But...now it is Monday morning, and I am off to Dallas for a conference of my own, sans my lovely bride. If you are going to Baltimore and DC, please keep my very helpful tips in mind. Oh, and if you see Mark Harmon, let him know I was upset about missing him the other day.
Thanks, and God bless Baltimore
And America
No comments:
Post a Comment