Some observations of my life after 50:
It is imperative now that I list things I need to do, supplies I need to buy, etc...but by the time I remember where the pen is, I can't find the paper. Having found the paper...I can't remember what I wanted to write on the list. Having finally remembered what I need to write on the list...I cannot find that furschlugginner pen...until I FINALLY look to see what I am holding in my right hand.
When going shopping at a large venue such #%$-Mart, I always park my Tahoe in about the same spot on the same row...but when I finally get out of the store I spend two hours looking for the Tahoe because it is not in its usual parking spot. Finally I call 9-1-1 because the Tahoe is not at the spot I left it nor on any of the adjacent rows. Everything is okay, though, because the police will be here soon....and they finally arrive forty-five minutes later...after the very kind #%$-Mart cart crew has spent forty minutes helping me look for my Tahoe They excitedly tell the police "No, he's NOT senile, there is NO TAHOE on the parking lot!"
That's about the time I remember I brought my wife's pickup this time...
Modern electric cords, USB plugs, miniature plugs for various computer and tablet appliances, and charging cords are made so that they can all be plugged into their respective receptacles in ONE (and ONLY ONE!) correct way. Since there are only TWO possibilities for each plug, it would follow that a person would need at most TWO attempts to plug in any one of these cords correctly. Yet, according to one source, the average person plugs in such cords incorrectly EIGHTY-NINE percent of the time. Think about it...how many times have you found yourself fitting a cord at least THREE times before connecting it correctly?
Once a person LOOKS like a senior citizen it becomes pointless to argue with the cashier who ASSUMES the person really IS a senior citizen. Plus, those two or three dollars saved per meal really begin to add up! Not that I LOOK like a senior citizen, of course! But, I have noticed that young ladies now hold the door open for ME, the grandfatherly-looking man behind them. That is really an added perk!
I have always heard that "life begins at fifty." What they did NOT tell me was that so much of that "life" would be spent at the doctor's office AFTER fifty.
High school kids should not laugh at those old "fogies" at Homecoming. Guess what...when you attend your 35th Class Reunion, YOU are an old fogie too!
One begins to suspect he is "getting older" when all the people "in authority" are young enough to be one's son or daughter. Police officers, doctors, nurses, preachers, teachers....are all beginning to look like they are YOUNGER than MY son and daughter. I am beginning to have a sort of paranoia because so many of the professionals I depend on WERE IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL when I moved to Midland! If you remained in your home town and you are now over fifty, there is a strong possibility that your GRANDCHILDREN'S FRIENDS are now taking care of you!
Sitting in a big, fat, overstuffed lounger is not nearly as boring as I thought it would be thirty years ago. In fact, sitting ANYWHERE is not as boring as it used to be thirty years ago.
Finally, although it would be great to be young, I am glad to still be here to "age." Fifty-plus is definitely better than the obituary pages.
It is imperative now that I list things I need to do, supplies I need to buy, etc...but by the time I remember where the pen is, I can't find the paper. Having found the paper...I can't remember what I wanted to write on the list. Having finally remembered what I need to write on the list...I cannot find that furschlugginner pen...until I FINALLY look to see what I am holding in my right hand.
When going shopping at a large venue such #%$-Mart, I always park my Tahoe in about the same spot on the same row...but when I finally get out of the store I spend two hours looking for the Tahoe because it is not in its usual parking spot. Finally I call 9-1-1 because the Tahoe is not at the spot I left it nor on any of the adjacent rows. Everything is okay, though, because the police will be here soon....and they finally arrive forty-five minutes later...after the very kind #%$-Mart cart crew has spent forty minutes helping me look for my Tahoe They excitedly tell the police "No, he's NOT senile, there is NO TAHOE on the parking lot!"
That's about the time I remember I brought my wife's pickup this time...
Modern electric cords, USB plugs, miniature plugs for various computer and tablet appliances, and charging cords are made so that they can all be plugged into their respective receptacles in ONE (and ONLY ONE!) correct way. Since there are only TWO possibilities for each plug, it would follow that a person would need at most TWO attempts to plug in any one of these cords correctly. Yet, according to one source, the average person plugs in such cords incorrectly EIGHTY-NINE percent of the time. Think about it...how many times have you found yourself fitting a cord at least THREE times before connecting it correctly?
Once a person LOOKS like a senior citizen it becomes pointless to argue with the cashier who ASSUMES the person really IS a senior citizen. Plus, those two or three dollars saved per meal really begin to add up! Not that I LOOK like a senior citizen, of course! But, I have noticed that young ladies now hold the door open for ME, the grandfatherly-looking man behind them. That is really an added perk!
I have always heard that "life begins at fifty." What they did NOT tell me was that so much of that "life" would be spent at the doctor's office AFTER fifty.
High school kids should not laugh at those old "fogies" at Homecoming. Guess what...when you attend your 35th Class Reunion, YOU are an old fogie too!
One begins to suspect he is "getting older" when all the people "in authority" are young enough to be one's son or daughter. Police officers, doctors, nurses, preachers, teachers....are all beginning to look like they are YOUNGER than MY son and daughter. I am beginning to have a sort of paranoia because so many of the professionals I depend on WERE IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL when I moved to Midland! If you remained in your home town and you are now over fifty, there is a strong possibility that your GRANDCHILDREN'S FRIENDS are now taking care of you!
Sitting in a big, fat, overstuffed lounger is not nearly as boring as I thought it would be thirty years ago. In fact, sitting ANYWHERE is not as boring as it used to be thirty years ago.
Finally, although it would be great to be young, I am glad to still be here to "age." Fifty-plus is definitely better than the obituary pages.
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