Saturday, February 8, 2014

When Two Conspiracy Theories Collide

As an informed American (okay, I TRY to stay informed) I have to say that I like my conspiracy theories (CTs) as much as the next guy, assuming of course that the next guy is not a spy.  I personally subscribe to a number of CTs myself, including that the attacks of 9/11/01 were less than surprise terrorist attacks, but I digress.  A very popular CT that has waxed and waned ( I love being able to work this phrase into my blog) in popularity since July 20, 1969 is that Neil Armstrong did not walk on the moon at all.  Yes, I have known many people over the years that went to their graves swearing over their dead bodies that "that there moon landin' was a hokes!" (Some of my friends of that era were not good spellers.)  Even today some of my friends and many people I do not know believe that man never set foot on the moon. 

I have watched CT documentaries in which "experts" of one science or another "proved" that the moon landings were faked.  Some of these experts are quite convincing.  For instance, pictures of the astronauts standing on the moon and illuminated by the sun.  But experts examined these photos and found that there were two or more shadows at different angles, meaning TWO OR MORE sources of light.  Other experts noticed that certain objects fell with the velocity of objects falling on the earth rather than the six times reduced gravity of the moon.  Adding to this CT was the fact that NASA maintained a full mock-up of the moon landing sight in the Nevada desert.  So, given all of these factors, there is certainly at least some degree of evidence that the moon landing was indeed a hoax.

But...

Another popular CT is that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin DID in fact walk on the moon, but while there were met by aliens who served notice to the astronauts, and by extension the president of the United States, that moon walks were to cease!  Sounds far-fetched, yes?  In fact, former NASA personnel have made sworn statements to the effect that NASA officials censored radio communications from the astronauts informing Mission Control of the fact that several alien space craft were visible on the moon.  Video taken by other astronauts in outer space show objects that clearly are not "space junk" orbiting with the astronauts because some of these objects are seen to suddenly change speed and direction while the space ship continues in orbit.  Other former NASA employees have spirited documents out of NASA which indicate that aliens have indeed made contact with astronauts and with political officials here in the United States.  One document is purportedly a treaty signed between President Eisenhower and "spacemen" that called on the United States and the aliens NOT to fire on each other whenever they should encounter each other in the skies over America.

Yes, I like a good conspiracy theory as well as the next guy, but what is the conscientious conspiracy theorist supposed to do when two such hallowed CTs collide?  If Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin did not walk on the moon, but instead took a stroll in the sands somewhere west of Las Vegas, how could they have been warned off the moon by powerful aliens?  And if the moon landing was a hoax, how could astronauts have seen several alien space craft parked in the dust of the Sea of Tranquility?  It would seem that if one of these CTs is true, than by definition the other COULD NOT be true.  We can't have it both ways.  Were "little green men" seen on the moon, or were the astronauts walking in full space regalia in the deserts somewhere in the Southwest? 

It would seem that when two CTs collide, that is, when one conspiracy theory discredits another, the "conspiratoralists" would abandon the discredited one and begin supporting the "proven" one.  But in fact what happens is that neither set of conspiracy theorists will abandon their pet theory.  In such a case, the conspiracy theorists instead develop even more complicated components to "explain" the new twists in the theory in question.  So the proponents of the "no moon walk" conspiracy are not discouraged from their theory one iota when they learn that men actually DID walk on the moon but were warned off by aliens.  They are not discouraged because it is obvious to them, as should be to all of us, that the aliens are in conspiracy with NASA to cover up the fact that men did not walk on the moon! 

On the other hand, the "aliens on the moon" conspiracy theorists, upon learning that experts had "proven" that the moon landing was a hoax, did not give up their pet theory, either.  These conspiratoralists had their own set of heroes.  These heroes were former NASA staffers and even former astronauts who provided sworn affidavits that they had personal knowledge that aliens were in fact on the moon, that the flying saucer really did crash near Roswell in 1947, and that documents exist to prove all of the above.  In their favor as well are NASA's own videos that do in fact appear to show alien space craft following our own space ships, and even video footage of two alien craft apparently engaging each other in a game of laser tag, only using real weapons grade laser or some other equally fatal energy ray.  What do these conspiracy theorists say about the "no moon walk" theorists?  You guessed it.  The "no walkers" are actually NASA workers or even CIA "dis-information" specialists who are out to take attention away from the fact that American astronauts did not really land on the moon at all.

So now I am torn between believing that the moon walk did not really take place, or that aliens are alive and thriving on the surface of the moon.  The good news is that I do not really have to choose one theory over the other.  I can take the middle ground and believe 1) the moon walk never happened; and 2) aliens have "ordered" humans who DID walk on the moon never to come back!  Actually, there is a third choice.  I can believe that man neither walked on the moon nor did man ever make contact with space aliens.  But that would fly in the face of expert testimony and formerly secret documents which prove both theories.  Who knows WHAT to believe anymore?

While I ponder these things, I sit back in my easy chair while Bigfoot proof-reads my writings.  Bigfeet, you know, are actually descendants of a race of humanoids that crash-landed on earth thousands of years ago and have inhabited the backwoods of North America and the great heights of the Himalayas since then.  While, as everyone knows, Bigfeet prefer their privacy (mainly because people keep making dumb fake movies about them), the occasional Sasquatch does appear at my humble abode to offer spelling help and grammar critique of my blogging.  Not that I follow their advice, mind you.  I get lots of good advice and criticism from the guys over at the NSA, as they are reading my blog as well.  I need all the help I can get because of the noise from the Predators and Reapers constantly circling overhead.  I am not worried about these drones.  They are unarmed....I think. But maybe that is what the Government WANTS me to think.  You know what? I think this is all a CONSPIRACY!!     





 

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