Up to this point 2013 has been an interesting year; not
always in the positive sense, either. I
say this because of the events and experiences that my spouse and I have lived
through for the past several months, for the days of change, of soul-searching.
And because of certain changes in my “belief system,” as the psychology majors
would say. These events, circumstances,
life-changing situations, and the emotional roller coaster involved, all
combined to pummel my writing – both as to desire and as to creativity. I have neglected writing for several weeks
now simply because my mind has been too muddled to really dash off anything
very coherent. So I solved that problem
by dashing off hardly anything at all.
But something occurred to me just in the past few days,
that is that most of the problems have long gone, most of the consequences of
those problems, of bad choices and unwise decisions, have already been made
manifest, and the world has gone on. My
marriage has survived. Now it is time to
write again. In fact, even if the
marriage had not survived, the need to write would have asserted itself at some
point, although I am sure the output would have been much different than what
it is today.
After all that has happened, too, I have called into
question my belief and understanding of my spirituality, the foundations of my
faith. And not only because of the past
two years’ events, but also due to information I have come across in my
on-going research, and to questions I have begun to ponder concerning God, the
universe, and our own souls, whatever souls really are.
I am a very much humbled man at this point in the game,
a much less judgmental person, a more mellowed, understanding, and flexible
person (in the metaphorical sense, not the physical!). There were so many times that I made poor
decisions or acted in my interest instead of doing what best served my actual
needs and the needs of others. I know,
for instance, that I have hurt several people along the way, and for that (and
to them) I am deeply sorry. For the
somewhat selfish life I have led, I am sorry as well. (By the way, I still have
a long way to go to becoming the person I should have been all along, but I am
getting there…and the point is the journey, I realize, not the destination.)
There are so many things I wish I could undo, and other
things I wish I could go back and do.
Just as the world revolves one way, however, there is no way for any of
us to go backwards in time to right some wrong or do some right we failed to
do. But there is tomorrow, a new
opportunity that arises with each morning’s sun, to do for once the right thing
at the right time for the right reason. There is still time to show love to those I
have neglected over the years. There is
time…but just enough, and none to waste.
There is only today, yet each today the Lord sees fit to give each one
of us will surely be enough for each day’s work, each day’s creativity, and finally
each day’s rest.
Just this morning I received an unexpected message from
a school mate that I have not spoken to now for several years. He had kind words to say about me, words that
were said at just the right moment. I
have not been the person I could have or should have been, but I can still become the person I should be. With the encouragement such as I received
this morning, the journey will be a joyous one in spite of the setbacks that
may pop up from time to time. And I hope
I have encouraged him, and others as well, in my time on this earth. Life is truly at its best when we have our
friends and loved ones to share it with.
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